Flashback Friday - Special Edition
It's a very special Flashback Friday, folks. First of all, it's a Wednesday. And second, I'm currently in my hometown, sleeping in my childhood bedroom. The memories are everywhere I look. Happy memories are plentiful, but today I'm reminded of some dark days. It might come as a shock to you, but I've done some things I'm not proud of.
As the youngest member of the family, my brothers had plenty of reasons to hate me. But Jeff, being the middle child, was my natural enemy. First of all, my mere birth pretty effectively stole his thunder. I was the newest model and, of course, I was a girl. (I still am a girl.) The point is, with my arrival, Jeff was old news. By the laws of supply and demand, as I understand them, I was a rare species, therefore I deserved the biggest bedroom and the most love.
But as far as I can remember, he handled it pretty well. I think he secretly knew that someday he would be a respected doctor, and I would be an unemployed blogger who talks to squirrels.
Anyways, one day, Jeff had a friend over. I was probably 8 or 9 years old at the time and naturally, I wanted a piece of that. I assumed that as Jeff and Andy were 4 years older than me, they must be cool. I didn't know any better at the time, but they were not at all cool. But I was determined to get in on their action, (the action, being hanging out in the basement). I skulked around for a while, and was likely told to leave repeatedly.
But finally, my sleuthing efforts proved useful. I overheard Andy saying something about being a "sweaty mess." I had a hilarious idea. I scurried off and retrieved one of the men's deodorants from the upstairs bathroom. I raced back to the basement and, armed with a speedstick, took a flying leap at Andy. I got a few good swipes in before I was taken down.
But all in all, the mission was unsuccessful. The boys were not impressed. Jeff had even more reason to hate me. And I had bought myself a one-way ticket out of the basement.
I feel pretty bad now about assaulting my brother's good friend with a personal hygiene product, but then again, they eventually exacted revenge on me in the now-infamous Crisco Incident of '94. (They informed me that Crisco tastes really good, but only if you eat a lot of it. It turns out, that is not exactly true.) In the end, Jeff and Andy got into more trouble than I could ever know for persuading me to eat shortening. But what they don't know is that every time I see Mennen Speed Stick, I feel a little pang of guilt. And also, the Crisco really wasn't all that bad.
As the youngest member of the family, my brothers had plenty of reasons to hate me. But Jeff, being the middle child, was my natural enemy. First of all, my mere birth pretty effectively stole his thunder. I was the newest model and, of course, I was a girl. (I still am a girl.) The point is, with my arrival, Jeff was old news. By the laws of supply and demand, as I understand them, I was a rare species, therefore I deserved the biggest bedroom and the most love.
But as far as I can remember, he handled it pretty well. I think he secretly knew that someday he would be a respected doctor, and I would be an unemployed blogger who talks to squirrels.
Anyways, one day, Jeff had a friend over. I was probably 8 or 9 years old at the time and naturally, I wanted a piece of that. I assumed that as Jeff and Andy were 4 years older than me, they must be cool. I didn't know any better at the time, but they were not at all cool. But I was determined to get in on their action, (the action, being hanging out in the basement). I skulked around for a while, and was likely told to leave repeatedly.
But finally, my sleuthing efforts proved useful. I overheard Andy saying something about being a "sweaty mess." I had a hilarious idea. I scurried off and retrieved one of the men's deodorants from the upstairs bathroom. I raced back to the basement and, armed with a speedstick, took a flying leap at Andy. I got a few good swipes in before I was taken down.
But all in all, the mission was unsuccessful. The boys were not impressed. Jeff had even more reason to hate me. And I had bought myself a one-way ticket out of the basement.
I feel pretty bad now about assaulting my brother's good friend with a personal hygiene product, but then again, they eventually exacted revenge on me in the now-infamous Crisco Incident of '94. (They informed me that Crisco tastes really good, but only if you eat a lot of it. It turns out, that is not exactly true.) In the end, Jeff and Andy got into more trouble than I could ever know for persuading me to eat shortening. But what they don't know is that every time I see Mennen Speed Stick, I feel a little pang of guilt. And also, the Crisco really wasn't all that bad.
posted by lady at 2:46 PM
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