Cop-out Friday

Just when you thought I couldn't get any lazier.

This Friday, I bring you neither a flashback, nor original content. Well, it's kind of a flashback in the sense that I posted this on facebook last June.

That's right. It's the wildly popular re-naming of all the teams in the NBA. I still don't follow sports, but someone said something about basketball and I think this might be timely again. So here it is.

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In the spirit of Pat watching boring basketball, I am going to rename all of the teams in the NBA so that I can more easily remember them. Thanks in advance to wikipedia for providing me with all the current names.

Boston Baked Beans
New Jersey T-Shirts
New York Bastards
Philadelphia Tom Hanksers
Toronto Pterodactyls
Chicago Oprahs
Cleveland Clinics
Detroit Racial Tensions
Indiana Daylight Savings
Milwaukee Vowels
Atlanta My Parents Went There For the 96 Olympics-ers
Charlotte Webs
Miami Vices
Orlando I Want to Go to Disneyworlds
Washington Wizards*
Denver Soy Chik'n Nuggets
Minnesota I Don't Know Where That Is-es
Oklahoma City Domestic Terrorists
Portland Lesser Known Hipsters
Utah Salty Mormon Lakers
Golden State Ashamed to be from Oaklanders
Los Angeles Team B
Los Angeles Team A
Phoenix, University of-ers
Sacramento Potato Sack Racers
Dallas Fort Werther's Originals
Houston Linxes
Memphis Mid-Southerners
New Orleans Tits
San Antonio Banderases

*I have no objection to the name Washington Wizards because wizards do magic and I love magic.

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Note: This has been bothering me ever since I originally posted it. I left the Washington Wizards as is, because wizards do magic. But, I renamed the Orlando Magic to reflect my love of Disney World. Explanation: I love wizards and magic, but if you think about it, Disney World IS magical. So there you go. I think we can all agree that my logic is sound.

I Fixed It!

I'm not very good at doing things. This isn't me wallowing in self pity - I'm simply acknowledging that I usually quit before I start. And if that's not the case, my attempts at productivity routinely become what might be described as "hijinks." I think that's what makes me so charming.

And thus I was more than a little disappointed in myself when I decided to tackle a small car repair and it ended in success. The task seemed pretty simple: replacing a burnt-out turn signal bulb. But confidence was low when it came to actually completing said task. I went so far as to purchase the replacement bulb at Auto Zone at least 3 weeks ago. But I felt that once I actually owned the bulb, the rest would just follow. Like, perhaps bluebirds would flutter out to my car, figure out how to access my front headlights, and I would wake one morning to a functioning turn signal. While they braided my hair. And chirped a merry tune.

Alas, the only bird I have seen as of late is the dead crow outside on the sidewalk. I would like to think he was on his way to my living room to pick up my turn signal bulb, but then I might feel partially responsible for his death, and I just don't think I can handle that right now.

So "replace turn signal bulb" has been on my to-do list for the last several weeks. Before that it was ""consider buying turn signal bulb." I know what you're thinking: "You have a to-do list? Can't you remember to watch Oprah on your own?" Well, yes, I can. But sometimes I have to remember not to watch Oprah because Chris Rock is on and that looks stupid.

Anyways, I was determined to make something of this day, so I looked up directions on replacing a turn signal bulb, and headed out to my car solo. Without even a posse of songbirds to back me up.

The elementary school on our street was letting out right then, so the sidwalks were bustling. I thought that this was sure sign that I would have a hilarious/embarassing episode. But against all the odds, I managed to replace the bulb pretty quickly and without incident.

I was feeling pretty good. Too good. So I decided to do a little investigating into myself. Exactly how long ago did this bulb burn out anyways? I know that I emailed my dad when I first noticed it, so I did a little search in my gmail records.

May 14th. Wow. I mean, it was May 14th 2009, but still. 4 1/2 months. What have I been doing for 4 1/2 months? I have no idea. Oprah was on summer hiatus for a majority of that time, so I don't have a clue. Anyways, that's what I get for feeling good about myself. Way to go me. I deserved to be knocked down a peg or two.