The End of an Era
Well, I suppose I should consider myself lucky. I made it 26 years, which is pretty good. But my streak is over. That's right. A bird crapped on me.
It was a day like any other. I was walking around the Silverlake Reservoir when I felt something hit me. I was alarmed by the impact. It felt like something hard had pelted me on the shoulder. Maybe some sort of airborne nut? Much to my horror, it was not a nut of any variety. Well, maybe at one time it was. You see, because it was bird crap. And sometimes birds eat nuts. I think.
I froze. There were no witnesses. It was time to panic. I was holding my cell phone. Should I call 911? Out in the wilderness of the Silverlake Reservoir, I had a 20-minute walk ahead of me before I could shower and properly disinfect. And who knew what the damage would be by then? Fortunately, my survival instincts kicked in. I picked up a fallen leaf and wiped that crap off my shoulder. It's amazing what you're capable of in these types of situations. Surely, had there been a sharp instrument readily available, I would have heroically cut my own arm off.
But as much as the sheer nastiness of it bothers me, I am plagued by the why of it. Why did this happen? Why me? Why now? I've spent a few sleepless nights since the incident and here's what I've come up with.
Possible reasons why that bird may have crapped on me:
1. It was an accident and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
2. To teach me a lesson
3. Maybe once, on a rainy day, I drove through a puddle and splashed that bird with dirty puddle water and this was my comeuppance.
4. Because I was alone, dressed like that.
5. This bird is just a dick. In the bird world.
None of these possibilities really make me feel any better. But they do all confirm my belief that I should just quit going outside once and for all and nestle into that warm nest that is hermit-dom.
It was a day like any other. I was walking around the Silverlake Reservoir when I felt something hit me. I was alarmed by the impact. It felt like something hard had pelted me on the shoulder. Maybe some sort of airborne nut? Much to my horror, it was not a nut of any variety. Well, maybe at one time it was. You see, because it was bird crap. And sometimes birds eat nuts. I think.
I froze. There were no witnesses. It was time to panic. I was holding my cell phone. Should I call 911? Out in the wilderness of the Silverlake Reservoir, I had a 20-minute walk ahead of me before I could shower and properly disinfect. And who knew what the damage would be by then? Fortunately, my survival instincts kicked in. I picked up a fallen leaf and wiped that crap off my shoulder. It's amazing what you're capable of in these types of situations. Surely, had there been a sharp instrument readily available, I would have heroically cut my own arm off.
But as much as the sheer nastiness of it bothers me, I am plagued by the why of it. Why did this happen? Why me? Why now? I've spent a few sleepless nights since the incident and here's what I've come up with.
Possible reasons why that bird may have crapped on me:
1. It was an accident and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
2. To teach me a lesson
3. Maybe once, on a rainy day, I drove through a puddle and splashed that bird with dirty puddle water and this was my comeuppance.
4. Because I was alone, dressed like that.
5. This bird is just a dick. In the bird world.
None of these possibilities really make me feel any better. But they do all confirm my belief that I should just quit going outside once and for all and nestle into that warm nest that is hermit-dom.
Labels: bird karma
posted by lady at 1:13 AM
1 Comments:
That bird might be in the reincarnation of someone YOU crapped on in a previous life, as a bird.
Post a Comment
<< Home