Flying with freaks

Things were looking good for my flight from LA to Cleveland. And by that I mean, no one was sitting in the middle seat of my row, providing a nice buffer between me and Mr. Aisle Seat. I was also relieved for the nonexistent middle passenger because Aisle Seat was a pretty girthy gentleman, and anyone sitting next to him would certainly have had their seat space encroached upon, thereby forcing them to lean right and encroach upon my space. Actually, I guess that's just me being happy for my own selfish reasons. Whatever.

But as it was, Aisle Seat posed no real threat to me. He didn't try to engage me in chit chat and that's really all I ask of a seatmate. Good old comfortable silence.

The woman sitting directly behind me, on the other hand, was a different story. As soon as she got settled into her seat, she was yapping away on her phone. And she wasn't using her indoor plane voice. Oh no. And it also sounded like she was giving the person at her credit card company some serious sassitude.

After finishing her credit card business, she called a friend to talk about something that, from what I gathered, was "unbelievable." Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Aisle Seat shooting frequent irritated looks backward, in the direction of Row 11 Phone Talker.

Several minutes went by and at this point, the plane was fully boarded. When the plane started to move, I heard her say, "Oh, I think I have to go." Before she could wrap up the call, though, a flight attendant walked by, and Mr. Aisle Seat stopped her and said in an urgent hushed voice "Hey, that lady's on her phone." The flight attendant told the woman she needed to turn off her phone and Aisle Seat looked pretty pleased with himself.

Aisle Seat! I am shocked by your behavior! What kind of grown person tattles on someone? And just to be perfectly clear - Aisle Seat did not appear to be 8 years old.

Now I wonder if his tattling is limited to airplanes or if he also lurks near the express lane in the grocery store, just waiting for someone who dares to walk up with 13 items. Or perhaps he hangs out at the local gym, keeping an eye out for someone who spends more than 30 minutes on the cardio equipment during peak times. I might support his cause if he were doing something useful like blowing the whistle on restaurant employees that don't wash their hands after using the lavatory, but I think this was a classic example of a wasted tattle. The flight attendant surely would have noticed if the woman continued to talk. See, I believe that you get a finite number of tattles in a lifetime, and, well, Aisle Seat, I think you should choose them more wisely from here on out.