The truth about science
I don't know much about science. I know I was taught science for a good many years of my schooling, but I only vaguely remember bits and pieces of it. In elementary school, I remember growing a bean sprout in a wet paper towel. That's probably the only science I can get on board with. It was all downhill after that.
I know that in middle school, we had to do a rock collection. Collecting rocks from a stream in the Metroparks was kind of fun, but today I honestly can't even tell you the three types of rocks. Are there three types? I don't know. Igneous, sedimentary and the other kind. Mesozoic? I have no idea. It's like naming the seven dwarfs. Impossible.
After that, science classes started having labs and labs meant lab partners. (I'm sorry Amy, because you did all of the work for all of our labs in 8th and 9th grade. But if it makes you feel better, you probably know the ins and outs of dissecting an earthworm, an owl pellet, and a crayfish, while I do not.) But labs were good for me, because I think they really allowed my laziness to mature. Before that, I was always trying. But labs taught me that even if you don't try to try, you can still succeed.
I took honors physics my junior year of high school. I wasn't real keen on showing up to school on a regular basis, and after a prolonged period of freqeunt absences, my nice frizzy-haired teacher took me aside to make sure I wasn't dying. I wasn't, but I thought it was nice that she was concerned. Needless to say, I did not learn a lot of physics. On the plus side, I lived.
Anyways, I'm not in school anymore, but I just can't escape it. Society is always forcing this science garbage down our throats. They have a channel on television, for crying out loud. But I don't need it. Because I'm pretty sure I've got a handle on things.
For instance, we've all been here - you walk into a bathroom and it smells... not so fresh. I know my inclination is to stop breathing. But unfortunately, according to SCIENCE, I have to breathe or something will happen, I forget what. Now, I want to breathe through my mouth instead of my nose. But no! If you breathe through your mouth, you will literally draw the smell particles into your mouth. You will eat the poo. And we can't have that. We cannot. So, if possible, you should stretch your shirt over your mouth and nose and breathe your clean chest air. If your shirt does not easily convert to a mask, you can at least hold your sleeve over your face and use that as a makeshift filter. I can't be sure, but I believe these tips have saved many lives.
Or how about we move to the kitchen? Everybody loves some Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, right? It simultaneously fills your needs for sodium, love, and orange dye. And it's delicious. But only for approximately 30 minutes. And then it completely loses all of its cheese-like flavor. Tell me science, why is that? Well, science won't tell you. But I will. You see the cheese powder belongs to the same family as the glow stick. You crack a glow stick and it's awesome and bright, but soon, it fades and it's just a stupid piece of plastic. That's how the cheese pouch works when you rip that paper. The only difference is that it glows with tangy cheesey flavor, and when it burns out, it's a disgusting flavorless paste. It is imperative that you eat the whole box in one sitting.
And there you have it. Science you can use.
I know that in middle school, we had to do a rock collection. Collecting rocks from a stream in the Metroparks was kind of fun, but today I honestly can't even tell you the three types of rocks. Are there three types? I don't know. Igneous, sedimentary and the other kind. Mesozoic? I have no idea. It's like naming the seven dwarfs. Impossible.
After that, science classes started having labs and labs meant lab partners. (I'm sorry Amy, because you did all of the work for all of our labs in 8th and 9th grade. But if it makes you feel better, you probably know the ins and outs of dissecting an earthworm, an owl pellet, and a crayfish, while I do not.) But labs were good for me, because I think they really allowed my laziness to mature. Before that, I was always trying. But labs taught me that even if you don't try to try, you can still succeed.
I took honors physics my junior year of high school. I wasn't real keen on showing up to school on a regular basis, and after a prolonged period of freqeunt absences, my nice frizzy-haired teacher took me aside to make sure I wasn't dying. I wasn't, but I thought it was nice that she was concerned. Needless to say, I did not learn a lot of physics. On the plus side, I lived.
Anyways, I'm not in school anymore, but I just can't escape it. Society is always forcing this science garbage down our throats. They have a channel on television, for crying out loud. But I don't need it. Because I'm pretty sure I've got a handle on things.
For instance, we've all been here - you walk into a bathroom and it smells... not so fresh. I know my inclination is to stop breathing. But unfortunately, according to SCIENCE, I have to breathe or something will happen, I forget what. Now, I want to breathe through my mouth instead of my nose. But no! If you breathe through your mouth, you will literally draw the smell particles into your mouth. You will eat the poo. And we can't have that. We cannot. So, if possible, you should stretch your shirt over your mouth and nose and breathe your clean chest air. If your shirt does not easily convert to a mask, you can at least hold your sleeve over your face and use that as a makeshift filter. I can't be sure, but I believe these tips have saved many lives.
Or how about we move to the kitchen? Everybody loves some Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, right? It simultaneously fills your needs for sodium, love, and orange dye. And it's delicious. But only for approximately 30 minutes. And then it completely loses all of its cheese-like flavor. Tell me science, why is that? Well, science won't tell you. But I will. You see the cheese powder belongs to the same family as the glow stick. You crack a glow stick and it's awesome and bright, but soon, it fades and it's just a stupid piece of plastic. That's how the cheese pouch works when you rip that paper. The only difference is that it glows with tangy cheesey flavor, and when it burns out, it's a disgusting flavorless paste. It is imperative that you eat the whole box in one sitting.
And there you have it. Science you can use.
posted by lady at 3:15 AM
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