Confession

Alright guys, I know it's been tough. Waiting. Wondering. Never knowing when you'll get your next BQA fix. And I admit, it has been a while. But that's life, my friends. I just hope you can forgive me and we can all move on.

So, I've been thinking a lot lately and there's something I really need to get off my chest. I think I'll feel better when it's out in the open. Or at least, I hope so. Ok, so...string cheese - I prefer to bite it.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Yeah, I know, it's called "string" cheese, but when I eat food, I like it to sort of feel like I'm eating food. If I wanted my food to approximate the consistency of thread, I would eat cotton candy for every meal. Because that's about what it amounts to. When you eat a string cheese using the conventional "stringing" method, you don't even have to chew the stuff. These delicate little strings of mozzarella just dissolve right in your mouth. Plus, it takes like, 20 minutes to eat an ounce of cheese. And I do not have that kind of time for dairy. No sir.

When you bite the cheese, however, it feels like you're actually eating something. The teeth come into play, there's chewing, swallowing, all that stuff. And, as an added bonus, your fingernail is not involved in the portioning of the cheese, so it's more sanitary too.

Does it taste better in string form? Possibly. But if you're in the mood to chew, or maybe you're in a bit of a time crunch, follow my lead. Don't be a slave to the string. Life is too short.

I'm confused

So there's this billboard by my house for Tillamook cheese. And while I have nothing against the people at Tillamook, I am totally baffled by their new advertisement. It pictures a bag of pre-shredded cheese - you know, the kind that's been around for a number of years/decades, and it says something like "Introducing: Tillamook SHREDS." Then in the corner it proclaims, "99.9 percent convenient!"

I guess I appreciate their honesty, because truth be told, it's probably not 100% convenient. You still have to open the bag, I suppose. And sometimes when the bag says "tear here" it tears off too high and you have to cut it with scissors anyways. But on those occasions, I'd say it's probably 96% convenient at best. So why the deduction of a tenth of a percent of convenience? I'm no statistician so I don't know if this is some sort of margin of error thing or what. I don't remember how that stuff works because every time someone tries to explain math to me I cry for three days. But come on, Tillamook. I'd really like to know, why not a round 100 percent? This is advertising. I don't really believe that Kix was tested on children and approved of by all their mothers, but it sounds good so we let it slide.