Park it

It's been a pretty uneventful week. And that, I assume, is why the fates have bestowed upon me the gift of a good altercation.

It's been really hot this week. Like bursting into flames hot. My car has no air-conditioning. It barely has four functioning windows. Anyways, I found that when it's parked in front of the elementary school on our street, the shade from the building allows my car to stay at a temperature that might be able to sustain human life. I find that to be preferable.

I had to leave my magical parking spot when I went to the air-conditioned gym. I've been working out a lot for that reason. Eventually I hope someone to say, "Hey you're in good shape. What do you do?" "I don't have air-conditioning," I'll say. "Not even in my car. Sometimes the windows don't work." Unfortunately this will never happen because I eat cheese for breakfast.

Anyways, I returned from the gym today, and much to my dismay, my shady parking spot was occupied. We live on a non-major street in a somewhat undesirable area, so parking is never much of a problem. In fact, the parking is plentiful enough that I am never even forced to attempt actual parallel parking. This is good, because I don't think I've ever successfully parallel parked anything. Even at my driver's test. I hit a cone and it wobbled, but did not fall down. So I passed. That's a lesson for you, kids.

There weren't any three-car-length spots on the west side of the street, so at the stop sign, I decided to make a U-turn and park on the other side. About a hundred yards ahead of me , there was a green van. The van was turning onto a side street, or possibly turning around too. I couldn't really tell.

So I turned around and pulled head-first into a very large spot. As I went to back up and straighten out, I saw that the green van was now wedged diagonally into the back of the spot in which I was attempting to park. I had no idea what they were doing, and I couldn't really back up while they were there. I thought they perhaps were trying to do some sort of synchronized parking with me, and I'm just not into that.

I couldn't really do much, so I just sat there, waiting for the van to move. Then the guy pulls up alongside me and this is the exchange:

Him: "That's fine. There's room for both of us. That's fine."
Me: "What?"
Him: "It's just, I was ahead of you, and I was going to park there, and then you went and cut in front of me is all."
Me: "Wait, what?"
Him: "I was turning around so that I could park there, but it's fine."

He obviously does not think it's fine.

Me: "Hold on. How was I possibly to know that you were turning around to park in this exact spot?"
Him: "No, I see. I just don't know if I'm going to be able to fit in there too."
Me: "Ok, what do you want? Do you want me to move?"
Him: "Oh no, it's ok. I was going to park there, but I'll just park somewhere else. It's just, I live right there."
Me: "Yes, I also live right there. And there are many other parking spots on the street."
Him: "Yes there are. "

A car finally honked at him because he was blocking traffic to have this conversation with me. But I decided that this man was not a man to be trusted with the knowledge of where my car is parked. Despite his many assurances that it was fine, I couldn't help but think that if it really was fine, he wouldn't have approached me, and insinuated that I "stole" a spot that he was nowhere near. So as soon as he turned the corner onto a side street, I vacated the spot in question.

I parked a good four blocks away from my home, despite the ample parking on my street, but I feel it was a success. Because by the time I had walked from my new secret spot, back to my home, passing that disputed territory, the spot was empty. That's right, crazy guy. This is how it's going to be. NO ONE gets the spot. My shady spot was also empty by then. But I wasn't in the mood to tempt fate.