Wash me

As you may know, I live in LA. And yes, I admit (with some reluctance) that it's got its perks. It's close to the beach, there are thousands of frozen yogurt shops, and if you're one of those people that likes beautiful, warm, sunshiney days, then you're in luck. But here's something you probably didn't consider, you cheerful sun-loving freaks. This is a dry, dusty city. And when it only rains like, 6 times a year, my car gets really, really dirty.

Car wash, you say? Hey, I'm not made of money, people. And if I was made of money, I'd probably just buy a new car whenever mine got dirty. I've never actually gone to a car wash on my own, and I don't really want to start now. And, really, who am I trying to impress in my '99 Oldsmobile Intrigue? I mean, my right side view mirror is held on with tape, for god's sake.

But I tried washing it by myself once. I bought a bucket and everything. Well, really just a bucket. And some 99-cent car washing liquid blue stuff. But when you park your car on the street, it's really a production. Carrying buckets of water from the house gets pretty tiring. Not to mention the risk of an audience. There's always someone out on the street and I don't need that sort of pressure. I'm know they're standing there, watching, judging. And, let me tell you, I can do without the judging.

Anyways, I tried my best. And it was definitely not good enough. In my attempt to rinse the top of the car, I actually poured an entire bucket of water all down my front. How did I do this? I'm not sure. But I assure you, it was not in that sexy, sudsy car-washing-girl way. It was just sad and cold and wet.

So I gave up on car cleaning quite a while ago. A light rain every few weeks or so is good enough for me. But it seriously has not rained in quite some time now, and my car is beyond filthy. People are writing in it and everything. First, I think there was something in Spanish on the rear window. And then of course, the classic "WASH ME." But today I noticed a new scrawl on the top of the trunk. It says "Zeus is my lover boy." First of all, I don't know who Zeus is, but he is definitely not my lover boy. Does my car have a lover boy? Maybe. I suppose if a car can request to be washed, it is also capable of having a lover boy. If so, maybe Zeus can step up and wash my car.